CMR Canada
Employee and Family
Assistance Programs
Serving Canadians for 21 Years
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CMR Canada
Employee and Family
Assistance Programs
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CMR Canada - Employee and Family Assistance Programs Head Office: Suite 600, Bow Valley Square 4, 250 - 6 Avenue SW, Calgary, Alberta T2P3H7 Telephone (403) 263-2200 Fax (403) 256-8291 E-mail: cmr@cmrcanada.ca December 1998
Note: This article presents only one perspective on a body of information on the subject and is not intended to be definitive. CMR Canada recommends you seek additional perspectives on the subject.
Understanding Abusive Relationships Assaultive behaviour can take many forms. All forms of abusive behaviour are ways in which one human being is trying to control or have power over another. These behaviours can include but are not limited to: Emotional of psychological abuse - put-downs, constant criticism; breaking down a partner's belief system (cultural or religious); making partner watch children or pets be abused and not allowing partner to intervene. Isolation - denying the partner access to or the opportunity to keep friends, social contacts, outside interests; jealousy; making family contact difficult. Intimidation - threats to hurt or kill children, pets, friends; destruction of property; controlling partner's talk; making partner account for every minute, every action; threats to hurt anyone who helps her; threats to prove partner is an unfit mother; threats of suicide; controlling with fear. Economic abuse - allowing partner no money of her own or no opportunity to improve her earning capacity; forcing partner to hand over every penny, whether or not she earns money; forcing partner to account for every cent. Physical abuse - pushing, shoving, slapping, punching, kicking, breaking bones, knifing, shooting or use of other weapons, locking out of one's home, abandoning in an unsafe place, murder. Sexual abuse - forced unwanted sex; demanding that partner wear more (or less) provocative clothing; forced sex with objects, friends, animals; insisting that partner act out pornographic fantasies, denial of partner's sexuality. Factors That Influence Family Violence Abuse occurs in all types of families
What kind of men abuse their wives?
How violence affects women
How violence affects children
The community may not see the problem or know what to do
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Social and legal systems may not help
 | Some helping professionals do not have in-depth understanding of family violence. |
| The legal system may sometimes seem to protect the civil rights of the assaulter more than the victim. |
| Services may not exist, be accessible, or offer appropriate help. |
| Medical, legal and social services in some communities may be uncoordinated or work at cross purposes with one another. |
| Others assume "the system" can handle the problem, so don not get involved. |
Society's attitudes and values can contribute to the problem:
| Belief in the privacy and sanctity of the family prevents the couple from seeking help and stops others from intervening. |
| The couple may accept a belief in keeping the family together at all costs; others may reinforce this. |
| Men's dominance over women is an old tradition, so a husband's violence against his wife may be condoned, rather than considered assault. |
| Attitudes that accept or glorify violence desensitize us to the reality of abuse in the home. |
Changing the Cycle
Changing the cycle of family violence is a long-term process. Our society is beginning the process of becoming less tolerant of abuse and more likely to intervene on behalf of abused women and their children.
Meanwhile, there are things we can do now.
If you are in an abusive relationship, here are a few suggestions if you are trying to free yourself from a life of violence:
| Don't underestimate the danger - Don't be lulled into underestimating the danger that you and your children face. Statistics and research show that the violence gets more severe over time. You could be killed. |
| Make a get-away plan - It may not seem fair that you, and not your spouse, will be forced to leave your home when violence happens. You're right, it's not fair. But it may be the only way to keep yourself and your children safe. Have an escape plan. Whenever possible, tuck a few dollars away in a safe place where you can get it. Keep a set of car keys where you can get them easily and quickly. If you can, make an arrangement with a friend or neighbour or women's shelter to provide a safe place for you or your children in an emergency. |
| Care for yourself - You don't deserve to be abused. You are not responsible for another person's behaviour. Appreciate the strengths you must have to have survived so far. When you wish you had done something differently, be as forgiving to yourself as you would to another person in a difficult situation. |
| Ask for help
- Whether you are staying in the relationship or attempting to
make it on your own, you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for
it. |
| Emotional support - From friends or from the staff at a women's shelter. |
| A counsellor may also provide emotional support. Your AUPE provides you with professional counselling services through the MAP. |
| Physical safety can be found at a shelter, a hotel or the home of someone you trust. |
| Legal advice and assistance is available. If you can't afford to pay the fees, Legal Aid may assist. |
| Financial assistance may be available from Alberta Family and Social Services. |
You can help the police. In Alberta, all
police departments have been instructed to take responsibility
for pressing charges against an abuser. The police will take charge
of the legal process. Your evidence in court will be helpful.
Wife assault is a crime. Often it takes the threat of prosecution
or being separated from his family to make an abuser agree to
get help.
Encourage your partner to get counselling. There are many programs
specifically designed for abusive men.
If you are concerned about someone you know:
| Be supportive - A woman in an abusive relationship has been the brunt of devastating emotional and physical abuse. If she talks to you about it, she's looking for someone who can accept what she's been through. Try not to be shocked or judgmental at what you hear. If you say things like, "How could you stand it?" or "I would have left that bum years ago." she may think you are judging her and that only makes it harder for her to come to you. |
| Understand her need to come and go from the relationship - Women who are trying to free themselves from violence have been victims for a long time. They may still want their marriage to work, for reasons we have talked about earlier. Understand their need to go back to the relationship - to test if it can work without violence. |
| Help her be aware of the options - You can help by assisting a woman to find what community services, resources or agencies might be accessible to her. Be careful to avoid telling the woman what to do, however. She's been controlled long enough - it's time for her to make her own decisions. |
RESOURCES
Financial Assistance - may be available through Alberta Family and Social Services. District Offices are listed in the telephone directory under Government of Alberta.
Legal Advice Legal Aid Society of Alberta - provides legal services for those who cannot afford to hire a lawyer. Payment is arranged over a long term.
Law Society of Alberta - Provides the names of lawyers suitable to the needs of the caller. Phone 1-800-661-1095.
Counselling - Employee & Family Assistance Program (EFAP). Confidential counselling services provided by CMR Canada.
References:
| YWCA Support Centre - Calgary |
| Office for the Prevention of Family Violence - Alberta |
| Family & Social Services- Edmonton |
| Note: This article presents only one perspective on a body of information on the subject and is not intended to be definitive.CMR Canada recommends you seek additional perspectives on the subject. |
Counselling Services Provided
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How do I arrange for counselling and/or
get more information?
| Simply phone CMR Canada at 403-263-2200 in Calgary, or 1-800-567-9953 from elsewhere. |
| Or, click on Request for Service. |
| Or, e-mail CMRCanada. |
| All arrangements will be made for you. |
| Permission is not needed to use the EFAP. It is voluntary and strictly confidential. |
Your Confidentiality is Guaranteed
CMR Canada
PROFILE
CMR Canada, a national EFAP management firm founded in Alberta in 1990, delivers programs and services that enhance the health and performance capability of individuals and organizations. The firm delivers services to individuals plus their families in organizations located throughout Alberta - Municipal Governments, Hospitals, Unions, Universities, and Corporations and the General Public.
Interventions, the EFAP Journal of CMR Canada, is available to clients without cost.
CMR's organization is simple, efficient, and highly effective leaving the majority of resources, financial and human, to provide service to clients and their families. The firm has extensive experience in designing, implementing, resourcing, evaluating, and managing Assistance Programs.
CMR has an unlimited supply of qualified professionals to engage as needed. Professionals are partnered or on contract to CMR. Included are Psychologists, Registered Social Workers, Family Therapists, Crisis Counsellors, Career Counsellors, and Certified Human Resource Professionals.
Working principles: keep the business small; deliver extraordinary personal service; keep the costs low. This highly efficient and effective business model allows CMR to deliver high quality programs and services at lower cost with increased accountability - and select the most experienced and capable professionals.
To request more information or a counsellor, click on Request for Service.
CMR Canada - Employee and Family Assistance Programs
Head Office Suite 3500, Bow Valley Square 2 205 - 5 Avenue SW Calgary, Alberta T2P2V7 Telephone (403)263-2200 in Calgary, or 1-800-567-9953 from elsewhere Fax (403)256-8291 E-Mail: CMR Canada
Alberta Locations
Athabasca, Barrhead, Calgary, Camrose, Drayton Valley, Edmonton, Edson, Fort McMurray, High Prairie, Hinton, Jasper, Grande Prairie, Lac La Biche, Lethbridge, Lloydminster, Medicine Hat, Peace River, Pincher Creek, Red Deer, St. Paul , Wainwright
