CMR Canada  Employee and Family Assistance Programs 
Serving Canadians for 21 Years
 

 DELIVERY                   LOCATIONS                 

 

 Calgary - Head Office

 Camrose

 Drayton Valley

 Edmonton

 Edson

 Grande Prairie

 High Prairie

 Hinton

 Lac La Biche

 Lethbridge

 Medicine Hat

 Peace River

 Red Deer

 Rocky Mtn. House

 Spruce Grove

 St. Paul

 Whitecourt

 

CMR Canada - Employee and Family Assistance Programs

Head Office:  Suite 3500, Bow Valley Square 2, 205 - 5 Avenue SW, Calgary, Alberta   T2P2V7
Telephone (403) 263-2200  Fax (403) 256-8291  E-mail: cmr@cmrcanada.ca

BEREAVEMENT

The death of someone close to us is one of life's most stressful events. We fear loss of companionship and the changes it will bring to our lives. It takes time to heal and each of us responds differently. We may need help to cope with the changes in our lives. But in the end, coping effectively with bereavement is vital to our mental health.

If someone close to you has just died, we hope this pamphlet will help you understand that you are not alone in your feelings and that help is available. If you have a grieving friend or relative, this pamphlet will help both of you understand and cope with this difficult time.

UNDERSTANDING GRIEF

Mourning and the complex stages of the grieving process are necessary. Even though the present is felt to be intolerably painful, it is healthy and normal for a bereaved person to experience intense emotions and swift mood changes. These are natural reactions to loss.

It takes time to heal. The period of grieving depends upon the situation and varies greatly from person to person. Grieving is not a weakness; it is a necessity. Refusing to grieve is not courageous and may cause you a great deal of harm later on.

Grieving helps us to come to terms with the need for our relationship with the deceased and to re-focus our energies toward the future.

THE STAGES OF GRIEVING

There are many different stages of grieving. The three stages outlined below are ones which most people will experience. However, people do not usually flow from the first stage through to the last in a logical order. Some people will jump back and forth between stages. The length of time it takes to go through the different stages will vary.

Stage I - Numbness or Shock - Immediately after news of death, you will likely experience a period when you feel very little except a sense of unreality. Some people have described this period as being enclosed in a cocoon, or as "sleepwalking", through the funeral and necessary details which follow death. This stage may last for several weeks or several months.

Stage II - Disorganization - Eventually, nature's protective shock begins to wear off, and feelings begin to come alive again. You may have some physical symptoms such as tightness in the throat, shortness of breath, the need to sigh frequently and extreme fatigue. Emotional symptoms can be even more distressing. Anger at the loved one for dying and the accompanying guilt may be overwhelming. You need to review the life of the deceased person and the events leading up to the actual death. You may agonize over things you believe you did wrong or things you think you should have done for the deceased. Most frightening of all can be the feeling of losing emotional control. It is a painful period of emotional upheaval but a normal and necessary part of grieving. Most people will recover but it can take weeks, months or, to some degree, several years.

Stage III - Re-organization - Eventually, there will be periods when you do not dwell on your loss, and you can focus on daily tasks. A great hurt is never completely forgotten; rather, it takes its place among life's other, more immediate demands. Deeper friendships may be formed through the process of sharing. You may have a new awareness of the preciousness of life and of the value of people and experiences.

HOW TO HELP A FRIEND WHO IS GRIEVING

It is difficult to become part of another person's grieving process unless you are invited to become involved. You should also understand that you too may feel guilty or helpless when faced with the inevitability of death, or feel there is little you can do to comfort the bereaved person. This is a natural feeling. There are, however, definite ways that you can help during the different stages of grieving.

Helping with Stage I - Be a supporter; you are there to be leaned upon. Help with practical things such as providing meals, helping with funeral details and assisting with the many confusing tasks that follow death.

Helping with Stage II - Be a listener; accept your friend's need to vent emotions and to tell repeated stories about the life and death of his/her loved one. People need to talk about their loss.

Helping with Stage III - Be a friend; help people to regain touch with the world around them. Encourage involvement in social activities, special interest groups, hobbies, etc.

If you are a Supervisor – Ensure the employee is aware of personnel policies that may assist them during this difficult time.  Discuss expectations and responsibilities, and make short-term adjustments to help the employee maintain productivity while coping with the loss at the workplace.

Few people can cope alone with the pain of bereavement. They need to talk about their loss and share their pain. This is a normal part of the grieving process. However, if reactions are extreme, encourage professional help and provide the support necessary to assist the bereaved to take this step toward help.

HOW TO COPE WITH YOUR OWN GRIEF ·

Reference:  Canadian Mental Health Association      

Your Employee and Family Assistance Program

Purpose:   The EFAP assists you and your family resolve personal problems and maintain healthy and productive lives. 

To request more information or a counsellor, click on Request for Service.