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Christmas Stress
Although
Christmas is meant to be a happy and joyful time, this isn't how everyone
feels at this time of the year. Christmas can be a stressful and depressing
time for many people. Some people find that the Christmas spirit can be
undermined by:
- Financial
and time pressures
- Isolation
- Family
tensions
- Separation
and divorce
- Bereavement
- Becoming a
step-family
- Reflecting
on another year gone by.
Financial and time pressures
The expense of gifts and food, the pressure of shopping and the expectations
of the season can make Christmas an extremely stressful time. General
suggestions include:
- Budget for
Christmas so that you don't overspend. This may mean putting money away
each week throughout the year.
- Do your
Christmas shopping early, perhaps in November.
- Shop online
or use mail order catalogues to avoid the crowds at shopping centres.
- Consider a
simpler version of Christmas dinner this year, such as a buffet where
everyone brings a plate, or else delegate as many tasks as you can.
- Seek advice
from a financial counsellor if you are experiencing severe money troubles.
Isolation
Some people find themselves alone at Christmas time. The reasons could
include relocation to a city far from relatives, a marital break-up or
family estrangement. The emphasis on family, friends and shared good times
during the 'festive season' can make these people feel depressed and
unloved. Suggestions include:
- If
separated by distance, keep in constant touch by phone, mail and email.
- Christmas
shopping for loved ones can help you feel connected, even though you may
be half a world away. Make sure you post your gifts in early December to
avoid the Christmas mail rush.
- Make plans
for Christmas Day. If you have no one to share the day with, consider
volunteering for charity work - for example, you could help organizations
such as The Salvation Army give Christmas lunch to people in need.
- Attend
community celebrations.
- Use the
strength of your feelings to change your situation. If you are estranged
from loved ones, perhaps you could attempt to reconcile with relatives and
old friends (if possible), or else take steps to widen your social
network.
Family tensions
All families experience tension to some degree. Part of the reason why
Christmas time can be so stressful is the unrealistic expectation of coming
together as a happy family on this one day of the year. Suggestions include:
- Keep
realistic expectations. If your relatives tend to fight throughout the
year, they may fight on Christmas Day as well.
- Appreciate
that everyone is under stress to a certain degree. For example, one
relative may have worked overtime to get everything done before their
office closed for Christmas and may be feeling exhausted and harried.
Another may be anxious because they overspent on their credit cards. As
far as possible, be understanding of people's situations.
- Consider
breaking up the celebrations to keep 'warring factions' apart. For
example, you could see one group of relations on Christmas Eve and another
on Christmas Day.
- Family
members involved in after dinner activities are less likely to get into
arguments. Plan for something to do as a group – like skating.
- Use
relaxation techniques, distraction and group activities to help steer
around stressful situations.
- Avoid
overindulging in alcohol - the reduced inhibitions could contribute to (or
cause) an unnecessary argument.
Separation or divorce
It can be hard for a 'fractured' family to face its first Christmas. Perhaps
the parents have separated or divorced, or a family member is overseas and
unable to attend the traditional celebrations. Suggestions include:
- Allow
yourself to feel your emotions. If you prefer to put on a brave face for
others, give yourself enough time alone to help deal with your feelings.
- Talk about
it as a family. Sharing your thoughts and feelings (and tears) can help
you feel closer.
- If children
are involved, the separated couple should try hard to be civil during the
festive season, or at least limit their disagreements to times when their
children are out of earshot.
- Arrange, if
necessary, to stagger the Christmas celebrations so that the children can
spend (for example) Christmas Day with one parent and Boxing Day with the
other. To keep it fair, you can swap arrangements the year after.
- Avoid the
Christmas rush and send presents, cards or letters to loved ones overseas
in November. Appreciate that phone calls may be difficult to make on
Christmas Day because of high demand.
Step-families
Christmas for these families can be extremely difficult. Suggestions
include:
- Get
together as a family and decide (early in the year, so there's plenty of
time) what you would all like to do for Christmas. Make sure the children
have their say.
- Stagger the
celebrations so that each child gets to spend time with both their natural
parents and their step-parents.
- Try not to
take arrangements too personally. For example, if your ex-partner says
they can only see their child for a brief breakfast on Boxing Day, that
doesn't necessarily mean they don't care. Instead of getting angry,
organize a more substantial get-together for your child and ex-partner
next Christmas.
- Appreciate
that now is not the time to sort out long-standing grievances. Christmas
is stressful enough as it is - wait until things have settled down in the
New Year, if you can.
- Talk to
friends or a counsellor if you need help to sort through your feelings.
Bereavement
Significant occasions, such as birthdays and Christmas, are always difficult
for a bereaved family. Suggestions include:
- Deciding to
ignore Christmas altogether could exacerbate your grief. However,
depending on your family's needs, you may wish to try something different
this year - for example, if you've always had dinner at home, perhaps have
it at a restaurant instead. Alternatively, sticking to your family's
traditions may be more helpful. The important thing is to discuss your
preferences as a family.
- Expect and
appreciate that people show their grief in different ways. One person may
want to reminisce, while another could prefer to remain tight-lipped.
- If you feel
you can, talk together about your loved one. Sharing memories and tears
can help you come to terms with Christmas without them.
- You may
like to spend some time alone so you can think about your loved one.
- Don't feel
guilty if you find yourself having a good time - sharing a few laughs with
family or friends doesn't mean you don't love or miss that special person.
- Ask friends
for their support. If they don't know how to help you, tell them.
- It might be
beneficial to talk to someone neutral, such as a bereavement counsellor.
Looking back without joy
The close of another year often prompts people to reflect on their
achievements - or disappointments - over the previous 12 months. Some people
mourn the loss of another year of their lives. Suggestions include:
- Make a
conscious effort to list all the positive things you did or experienced
during the year.
- If
possible, mend fences. Contact those people you miss and make steps
towards reconciliation.
- Appreciate
that your feelings may be due to a combination of Christmas-related
factors, including money worries, the pressure of last minute shopping and
unrealistic expectations of festive cheer. Remind yourself that many of
these negative feelings will pass once the New Year is underway.
Remember that most New Year's Eve resolutions
are unrealistic, made during times of sad reflection. This year, try to come
up with positive and achievable goals for the upcoming 12 months.
Christmas Stress – Tips
Christmas is
typically one of the most stressful events of the year. The expense of
buying gifts, the pressure of last minute shopping and the heightened
expectations of family togetherness can all combine to undermine our best
intentions. Some practical suggestions can help you reduce your 'Christmas
stress'.
Budgeting
for Christmas
For many of us, the Christmas aftermath includes massive credit card bills
that can take months to clear. Christmas doesn't have to be a financial
headache if you plan ahead. Stress reduction strategies include:
- As early as
you can in the New Year, work out a rough budget of expected Christmas
costs. Don't forget 'hidden' expenses such as food bills and overseas
telephone charges.
- Calculate
how much disposable income you have between now and Christmas. A certain
percentage of this can be dedicated each week to covering your expected
Christmas costs. Don't be discouraged if the amount seems small. If you
save $10.00 or $20.00 per week over a year, it can provide you with a
hefty nest egg.
- If your
nest egg isn't enough to cover your estimated expenses, perhaps you may
need to refigure your Christmas budget to a more realistic amount.
Presents
If you have a large circle of extended family or friends to buy gifts for,
it can be very costly. You might be able to reduce the stress and cost of
Christmas for everyone if you suggest a change in the way your family and
friends give presents. For example, you could suggest that your group:
- Buy
presents only for the children.
- Everyone
draws a name out of a hat and buys a present only for that person.
- Set a limit
on the cost of presents.
Christmas shopping
Most people dislike the hassle associated with Christmas shopping. A few
plan their shopping expeditions. Stress reduction strategies for successful
Christmas shopping include:
- Make a list
of all the gifts you wish to buy before you go shopping. If you wait for
inspiration to strike, you could be wandering aimlessly around the
shopping centre for hours.
- Buy a few
extras, such as chocolates, just in case you forget somebody or you have
unexpected guests bearing gifts.
- If
possible, do your Christmas shopping early - in the first week of December
or even in November. Some well-organized people do their Christmas
shopping gradually over the course of the year, starting with the
post-Christmas sales.
- Buy your
gifts by mail catalogue or over the internet. Some companies will also
gift-wrap and post your presents for a small additional fee.
The Christmas dinner
Stress reduction strategies include:
- If you are
cooking dinner at home, delegate tasks. You don't need to do everything
yourself.
- Consider
keeping it simple - for instance, you could always arrange for a 'buffet'
lunch, where everybody brings a platter.
- Buy as many
non-perishable food items as you can in advance - supermarkets on
Christmas Eve are generally extremely busy and close early.
- You may
need to order particular food items (such as turkeys) from your
supermarket by a certain date. Check to avoid disappointment.
- As for
clean-up after dinner – have family members draw “tasks” from a hat. This
not only shares the work but can be a lot of fun. Family members can
trade/negotiate tasks to add another bit of fun.
Relationships
Stress, anxiety and depression are common during the festive season. If
nothing else, reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. Stress
reduction strategies include:
- Don't
expect miracles. If you and certain family members bicker all year long,
you can be sure there'll be tension at Christmas.
- Avoid known
triggers. For example, if politics is a touchy subject in your family,
don't talk about it. If someone brings up the topic, use distraction and
quickly move onto something else to talk about.
- Use
relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or focusing on your breath,
to cope with anxiety or tension.
- Family
members involved in after-lunch activities are less likely to get into
arguments. Plan for something to do as a group after lunch if necessary.
- People
under stress tend to 'self-medicate' with alcohol, cigarettes and other
drugs. Try to remember that drugs can't solve problems or alleviate stress
in the long term.
The little extras
Other ways you might be able to reduce the stress include:
- Write up a
Christmas card list and keep it in a safe place so that you can refer to
it (and add or delete names) year after year.
- Plan to
write your Christmas cards in early. Book a date in your diary so you
don't forget.
- Overseas
mail at Christmas time takes longer to arrive. Arrange to send cards or
presents in November to avoid disappointments (and long queues at the post
office).
- For great
savings, buy Christmas necessities (such as cards, wrapping paper, ribbons
and decorations) at post-Christmas sales.
General health and wellbeing
Some other ways to keep your stress levels down include:
- Try to
be moderate - it may be the
season to be jolly, but too much food and alcohol can be harmful and
dangerous. If you can't (or don't want to) step off the social
merry-go-round, at least try to eat and drink in moderation.
- Get
enough sleep - plan for as many
early nights as you can.
- Keep
moving - keeping up your regular
exercise routine can give you the fitness and stamina to make it through
the demands of the festive season.
Things to remember
- Save a
percentage of your disposable income throughout the year to provide a nest
egg for Christmas expenses.
- Make a list
of all the gifts you wish to buy and shop early.
Don't expect miracles - if you and certain
family members bicker all year long, you can be sure there'll be tension at
Christmas lunch.
Seasonal
Affective Disorder
Weather often affects people’s moods. Sunlight breaking through clouds can
lift our spirits, while a dull, rainy day may make us feel a little gloomy.
While noticeable, these shifts in mood generally do not affect our ability
to cope with daily life. Some people, however, are vulnerable to a type of
depression that follows a seasonal pattern. For them, the shortening days of
late autumn are the beginning of a type of clinical depression that can last
until spring. This condition is called “Seasonal Affective Disorder," or
SAD.
A mild form of SAD, often referred to as
the “winter blues," causes discomfort, but is not incapacitating. However,
the term “winter blues” can be misleading; some people have a rarer form of
SAD which is summer depression. This condition usually begins in late spring
or early summer.
Awareness of this mental condition has
existed for more than 150 years, but it was only recognized as a disorder in
the early 1980s. Many people with SAD may not be aware that it exists or
that help is available.
SAD can be a debilitating condition,
preventing sufferers from functioning normally. It may affect their personal
and professional lives, and seriously limit their potential. It is important
to learn about the symptoms, and to know that there is treatment to help
people with SAD live a productive life year-round.
What Causes
SAD?
Research into the causes of SAD is ongoing.
As yet, there is no confirmed cause. However, SAD is thought to be related
to seasonal variations in light. A “biological internal clock” in the brain
regulates our circadian (daily) rhythms. This biological clock responds to
changes in season, partly because of the differences in the length of the
day. For many thousands of years, the cycle of human life revolved around
the daily cycle of light and dark. We were alert when the sun shone; we
slept when our world was in darkness. The relatively recent introduction of
electricity has relieved us of the need to be active mostly in the daylight
hours. But our biological clocks may still be telling our bodies to sleep as
the days shorten. This puts us out of step with our daily schedules, which
no longer change according to the seasons. Other research shows that
neurotransmitters, chemical messengers in the brain that help regulate
sleep, mood, and appetite, may be disturbed in SAD.
What are the
Symptoms?
SAD can be
difficult to diagnose, since many of the symptoms are similar to those of
other types of depression or bipolar disorder. Even physical conditions,
such as thyroid problems, can look like depression. Generally, symptoms that
recur for at least 2 consecutive winters, without any other explanation for
the changes in mood and behaviour, indicate the presence of SAD. They may
include:
- change in
appetite, in particular a craving for sweet or starchy foods
- weight gain
- decreased
energy
- fatigue
- tendency to
oversleep
- difficulty
concentrating
-
irritability
- avoidance
of social situations
- feelings of
anxiety and despair
The symptoms
of SAD generally disappear when spring arrives. For some people, this
happens suddenly with a short time of heightened activity. For others, the
effects of SAD gradually dissipate.
Symptoms of
summer depression may include:
- poor
appetite
- weight loss
- trouble sleeping
Who is at
Risk?
Research in Ontario suggests that between
2% and 3% of the general population may have SAD. Another 15% have a less
severe experience described as the “winter blues."
SAD may affect some children and teenagers,
but it tends to begin in people over the age of 20. The risk of SAD
decreases with age. The condition is more common in women than in men.
Recent studies suggest that SAD is more
common in northern countries, where the winter day is shorter. Deprivation
from natural sources of light is also of particular concern for shift
workers and urban dwellers who may experience reduced levels of exposure to
daylight in their work environments.
People with SAD find that spending time in
a southerly location brings them relief from their symptoms.
How is SAD
Treated?
If you feel depressed for long periods
during autumn and winter, if your sleep and appetite patterns change
dramatically and you find yourself thinking about suicide, you should seek
professional help, for example, from your family doctor. There is effective
treatment for SAD. Even people with severe symptoms can get rapid relief
once they begin treatment.
People with mild symptoms can benefit from
spending more time outdoors during the day and by arranging their
environments so that they receive maximum sunlight. Trim tree branches that
block light, for example, and keep curtains open during the day. Move
furniture so that you sit near a window. Installing skylights and adding
lamps can also help.
Exercise relieves stress, builds energy and
increases your mental and physical well-being. Build physical activity into
your lifestyle before SAD symptoms take hold. If you exercise indoors,
position yourself near a window. Make a habit of taking a daily noon-hour
walk. The activity and increased exposure to natural light can raise your
spirits.
A winter vacation in a sunny destination
can also temporarily relieve SAD symptoms, although symptoms usually recur
after return home. At home, work at resisting the carbohydrate and sleep
cravings that come with SAD.
Many people with SAD respond well to
exposure to bright, artificial light. "Light therapy," involves sitting
beside a special fluorescent light box for several minutes day. A health
care professional should be consulted before beginning light therapy.
For people who are more severely affected
by SAD, antidepressant medications are safe and effective in relieving
symptoms. Counseling and therapy, especially short-term treatments such as
cognitive-behavioural therapy, may also be helpful for winter depression.
Increasing your exposure to light,
monitoring your diet, sleep patterns and exercise levels are important first
steps. For those who are severely affected, devising a treatment plan with a
health care professional consisting of light therapy, medication and
cognitive-behavioural therapy may also be needed.
Where To Go
For More Information
For further information
about seasonal affective disorder, contact a community organization like the
Canadian Mental Health Association or contact CMR Canada.
Bedtime:
Ideas for getting past your kids' delay tactics
By Jane Meredith Adams
On the surface, bedtime is a
series of tasks to be checked off: pajamas, teeth, books, kisses. But for
kids and parents, it's also a tricky transition from a day of activity to a
night of rest, from being together to being separate. At any point, the
routine can plunge into a time sinkhole. Here's a guide to avoid the biggest
barriers:
Balking at basics
Kids are smart enough to know
that putting on pajamas and brushing teeth will lead, sooner or later, to
lights-out. So that's the first place they drag their heels.
"They've always resisted my
timetable," says Michelle Dixon of Aptos, California, mom of Blake, 8, and
Paige, 6. When Dixon says it's time to brush teeth, Paige replies, "I'm not
ready." Or "I'm doing something." Or the classic fib, "I did already." She'd
rather continue dancing or coloring. "She wants to be cooperative, but she
really wants it on her terms."
To move through the conflict,
Dixon starts by empathizing with Paige that, yes, it's hard to stop a fun
project. Then she offers what she calls "freedom within structure." "I say,
'Do you want to brush your teeth before a story or after a story?'" If Paige
has made her own choice, she tends to follow through.
Other strategies moms swear by:
Make a chart.
You'll be surprised how quickly you earn back the few minutes it takes to
make the darn thing. Check off when he's put on his pajamas, used the toilet
and brushed his teeth. Illustrate each step with little drawings or a photo
of him merrily completing the task. If picking pajamas is overwhelming, have
him make a schedule: blue jammies Monday and Wednesday, yellow on other
nights.
Get ready for bed yourself.
Challenge your child to a race, and for best results, let him win. Offer
your attention as an incentive. "When you're ready for bed, I'll tell you a
story about when I was a kid."
Let him choose.
If he resists brushing his teeth, let him select the toothpaste. Try an
electric toothbrush or a handheld brush that flashes for 60 seconds. Show
your child your own fillings. After he eats, have him look at his teeth in
the mirror and explain that food left on teeth causes cavities.
Bedtime Battles
Pajamas are on and teeth are
clean, but, naturally enough, resistance often continues. One way to keep
kids moving is to make bedtime more fun, says Elizabeth Pantley, author of
"The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers." Yes, you're
tired, but having a playful (but organized) bedtime routine doesn't take any
more time than a stressful, disorganized one, says Pantley, mom of a
preschooler and three teens. Because humor deflates power struggles, it can
quite possibly make your routine go faster.
Try having the stuffed animals
ask him to get into bed. Sing a special song about what your child did that
day and what he'll do tomorrow. Dig deep and give him your attention so he
looks forward to this time with you.
If tantrums erupt, act swiftly
to keep the routine on track. "I'm not going to negotiate with a child who's
having a fit," says Janeen Solberg, a mom of two in Boonsboro, Maryland, and
the author of "Staying Centered: The Art of Full-Time Parenting." "I say,
'This is what you need to do and when you do it. I'll be back, but I'm not
going to stand here and listen to you while you're acting this way.' It's
been extremely effective!"
Other strategies:
Separate the siblings.
Julie Douglas's son Taylor, 11, loves to goof around with Tiffany, 5, as
she's washing hands and brushing teeth. "He's making faces and noises and
being silly," says Douglas, who lives in Boise, Idaho. Her rule: one at a
time in the bathroom. If an older sibling isn't going to bed, send him
downstairs or elsewhere.
Focus on tomorrow.
Direct his attention to what's coming up. Have him lay out tomorrow's outfit
by making a "clothes kid" on the floor.
Consider temperament.
If he's easily overwhelmed, break down tasks into small pieces (line up
stuffed animals, kiss each one good night, and tuck them in).
Books as a burden
No matter how many books you
read, there's going to be a request for one more. "When Taylor was little,
his thing was 'One more story,'" says Douglas. "He loved the whole fantasy
thing, and I got into using different voices." Her son's love of books was
terrific, but, she says, "it was also about him not wanting to go to bed."
The simplest solution to this is
so obvious you may not have thought of it: Set a bedtime and stick with it.
If bedtime is 8:00 and you've read one book instead of three by then, it's
still bedtime. Requests for another book can be met with "I'd love to read
more, so let's remember to start earlier tomorrow." It's not your fault --
it's just bedtime.
If you're more comfortable with
a looser approach, then take the opposite tack: "Every night we read three
books." Or "every night we read for fifteen minutes." Give your child a
sense of control by letting her choose which books to read and the order in
which you read them.
Other strategies:
Read at other times.
If your child reads plenty during the day, and the quiet of reading isn't
working its sleepytime magic, then just skip the books before bed.
Keep excitement low.
If books stimulate her instead of putting her to sleep, choose less exciting
books for bedtime and read them in a level voice. Save action-packed stories
for the morning or afternoon.
Begging for company
The lights are dim, but the
bedtime party's not over. "Stay with me!" is the cry heard across the
nation.
To keep the routine moving,
you'll have to decide whether you want to stay or go. "Very often parents
feel 'stuck,'" says Pantley. "They don't want to stay, but they do to
prevent tears or a tantrum." If you stay, she suggests thinking of ways to
lie in bed without feeling antsy, like mentally planning for the next day.
If you can just sit in a chair nearby, headphones and an audio book might
help, though some children may object to the lack of attention that implies.
If you aren't going to stay,
help her learn how to sleep independently. Temperament and age make a
difference. For a sensitive 3-year-old, "take things very gradually," says
Stanley Greenspan, M.D., author of The Challenging Child. "Start with a
half-hour cuddle, then twenty minutes, then fifteen, and so on," he says.
Another approach is to move away
from her on the bed so you're not cuddling. Move to a chair next to the
bed, to a chair across the room so you can read your book, to a chair in the
hall where the light is better, and then up and off to your evening.
Offer rewards.
Motivate a 3-year-old to follow simple sleep rules with the promise that if
she does, she'll get a treat in the morning. Make a sleep-rules poster with
the child's name on it. It reads this way:
1. Stay in bed.
2. Close eyes.
3. Stay quiet
4. Try to sleep.
5. You may leave the room when
you hear the music.
Be boring.
Handle last-minute requests for a trip to the bathroom or a round of
back-scratching with a flat, unexcited, matter-of-fact tone that lacks
soothing or adventure.
Make food rules.
Jennifer Farrington's son Charlie, 4, gets a wave of hunger just when it's
time to be in bed. "We had to make rules about what's an acceptable bedtime
snack," says Farrington, of Chicago, Illinois. Baby carrots, a banana, or an
apple is OK -- not Goldfish, cookies, or dried fruit. "If he's not so
hungry, he won't ask for it," she says.
Keep your promises.
When her daughter Ana, 7, was struggling with sleeping by herself, Solberg
told her, "I will come up and check on you in five minutes." And she did.
After all, streamlining is one thing, but giving your child the security and
love she needs to sleep peacefully and well is what it's all about.
Reference: Parenting Magazine.
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Note: These
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subject and is not intended to be definitive.CMR Canada recommends you
seek additional perspectives on the subject.
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