CMR Canada  Employee and Family Assistance Programs 
Serving Canadians for 21 Years
 

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CMR Canada - Employee and Family Assistance Programs
Head Office: Suite 600, Bow Valley Square 4, 250 - 6 Avenue SW, Calgary, Alberta T2P3H7
Telephone (403) 263-2200  Fax (403) 256-8291  E-mail: cmr@cmrcanada.ca

February 2000

By Mark Pepper
 Nighttime. The world around you swirls in a mixture of shadows and rows of streetlamps that line the side of the highway. The meetings with clients, the crashing of your computer (again), and the knowledge that you have to go back to it all again tomorrow, has taken its toll on you.

But at least the traffic is moving well. You glance to the side before pulling out to pass the car in front. All's clear so you slide gently into the next lane and begin to accelerate.

As you pass the other car, the other driver banks sharply into you, sending a spray of sparks dancing off your door. Glancing to your right, you see a hostile glare and the mouthings of obscenities in your direction. Quickly you accelerate to escape but the chase is on. Welcome to "road rage".

Chances are you'll never be in a situation like this, but incidents of violent driving have been on the rise for several years. According to the American Automobile Association, they've been increasing by 7% per year since 1990. An Australian study estimates that about half of all traffic accidents in Australia may be due to road rage. A study by Lex Research in the UK indicates that, of Britain's some 2.8 million company car drivers, about 83% have been victims of some form of road rage during their working life. About 21% reported having been run off the road and 18% have been physically threatened by another driver.

Some attribute the rise in rage incidents to our hurryup lifestyle and social and economic frustration. Gary Fite, Public Relations Manager for the Royal Automobile Club of Queensland, reckons that, in many cases, the cause of the anger that touches off rage incidents is bad driving.

With an estimated total of 1,800 reported incidents of violent road behavior in the U.S. in 1996, it's a situation to be taken seriously. The incidents that trigger a Mad Max syndrome in the average driver are usually simple matters of discourtesy - for example, loud music, over-use of the horn, tailgating and changing lanes without signaling. These, of course, are usually just the trigger points. The actual causes can be traced back to all forms of stress, from being called into the boss's office for a friendly 'chat', to having just been dumped by your girlfriend. Pretty much, road warriors are the result of a flashpoint of all the accumulated stresses in one's life. As for avoiding the Mad Max syndrome, here are a few tips from Dr Ricardo Martinez, Administrator of the U.S. National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, to help you through your journey:

Some other tips:

As stress expert Dr. John Larson points out, drivers tend to put themselves in a stress bind by constantly trying to beat the clock on their trips rather than enjoying the journey. When we do this, Larson says, everything that interferes with our self-imposed time goals becomes an object of frustration, and potentially rage. So, allow adequate time for your trip.

Create a relaxing and comfortable environment in your car. Play relaxing music (with a beat slower than your heartbeat, one music aficionado suggested).

Traffic is a cooperative activity. When you behave cooperatively, you get repaid in kind. If you're aggressive, you trigger in others a natural instinct to fight back and drivers will often try to thwart your progress (not let you into a line of traffic, for example). If you're diplomatic, you will be able to move through traffic with amazing ease. Sometimes drivers will go out of their way to help you. Driving in congested traffic is really a challenge to your diplomatic skills, and your ability to communicate effectively with others

If you do happen to catch sight of aggressive driving, stay away and contact the authorities when you get the chance. Even if you're not being chased down the highway by a sideswiping maniac, you could be saving a life other than your own.

Encouragement for Children - key to self-esteem

Mothers and fathers like to see their child succeed in the task which the child is doing. To insure successful completion of the task by the child and to improve the relationship between parent and child, the skill of encouragement should be practiced. Encouragement is the process whereby the parent focuses on the assets and strengths of the child to build self worth and commitment to the task. Encouragement allows the child to believe in self and their own abilities to solve problems, but at the same time develop the courage to accept and learn from mistakes.

Helping your child develop feelings of self worth may require the parent to change some attitudes and behavior patterns. First, it may require the parent to focus more on the assets or positive things that the child does instead of the mistakes. A parent should show appreciation to the child. If the parent decides to become more encouraging, plan to eliminate the following attitudes and behaviors:  

Negative Expectations. For example, if the parent believes the child will not succeed at a task, chances are the parent will communicate that to the child. Consequently the child begins to doubt his or her ability to perform the task and fails.

Unreasonably High Standards. Too often a parent sets unreasonable standards for the child to achieve. More often than not these are adult standards. Make sure the standard does not go beyond the child's age and ability.

Promoting Competition Between Siblings. Many parents will praise the successful sibling and either ignore or criticize the unsuccessful child. Be careful, comparisons may be expressed nonverbally as well as verbally.

Overambition. Many a parent in today's world wants the best possible not only for themselves, but for their child as well. To achieve this, the parent will insist the child also demonstrate excellence. The parent's attitude may convey to the child not to try anything unless you are certain you will be tops. Replace this philosophy with the words: it's more important to do, than to do well. This will allow the child to practice and improve their skill at said task and who knows on which try success will be made.

Double Standards. Do as I say, not as I do is a motto of many parents. Mother tells junior to pick up the mess in the living room, but clutters the same room with her work. A child recognizes that certain rights and privileges are prescribed by law, e.g., driving a car. Unfortunately, when parents assume other rights and privileges and deny them to the child, it implies to the child that he/she is of less value in the family.

A person who would like to replace these discouraging attitudes and behaviors, and instead encourage the child, must be willing to develop at their own pace the following attitudes: 1) accept
the child as he/she is, not what he/she could be or you expect them to be; 2) be positive in comments to the child; 3) avoid temptation to interfere when the child is attempting a task; 4) demonstrate faith in the child's efforts; 5) focus more on the contributions, assets and strengths of the child; 6) recognize effort and improvement in completing the task as well as final accomplishment and; 7) learn to separate encouragement from praise. Praise is given for final completion of the task, it does not motivate the child to do. Encouragement, on the other hand, does motivate a child. It is given for the effort or for
improvement, however slight. It identifies the little things that are involved in completing the task. Examples of the special language of encouragement are demonstrated with the following phrases:

Phrases that show acceptance:

"I like the way you worked out that problem."

"Since you seem dissatisfied with it, what do you think you could
do differently?"

Phrases which demonstrate confidence:

"Knowing your success rate, I'm sure you'll figure something
out."

"I have faith in your decision."

Phrases that focus on assets and contributions:

"That was really thoughtful of you to
____________________."

"Really appreciated your help, it meant a lot to me."

Phrases that recognize effort and improvement:

"From the looks of things, you really worked hard on that
project."

"You seem to have feelings that you've not reached your goal,
but look how far you've come."

Encouragement is important in the parent-child relationship. Avoid giving on the one hand and taking away on the other, that is, do not use qualifying or moralizing statements like "since you worked really hard on that, why not do it all the time," or "it's about time."

In conclusion, encouragement is accepting and valuing your child for what he or she is, not what you want the child to be, placing emphasis on the positive aspects of the child's behavior, showing faith in the child, so the child will develop selfconfidence, recognizing effort and improvement and showing appreciation for the child's contributions to self, family and society.

For more information on this and other subjects go to Interventions Archive.  The EFAP assists you and your family resolve personal problems and maintain healthy and productive lives. 

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